Ever have those days when you wonder, “If I look at it this way, maybe it will make more sense.” And yet still the Republican world makes no sense to me…
Whatevs. I report, you decide.
Well, the good news is that the longer I wait between posts, the fewer candidates there are to worry about on the Republican side. We ditched Bachmann almost immediately when she finished dead last in Iowa and she threw her support to Ron Paul. Uhhh, watch your back, Ron. She’s looking for a Veep slot, I think. No seriously, ’cause word is she isn’t running for re-election in Minnesota –a bright spot in this whole debacle. And oh, Iowa? Count those votes again, maybe you’ll come up with ME as the winner. Mrow.
Guess it doesn’t matter ultimately though since no one seems to know how Iowa’s caucuses are related to, oh, say, actual delegates at the GOP Convention. Okay, Santorum. You win. Go you. Thanks, Iowa. Now he’s insufferable.
New Hampshire winnowed out Huntsman, who finished third, but decided that his ticket to ride was back home. On his way out he endorsed fellow Mormon Romney (Is that like Highlander? In the end there can be only one?) And with him goes the last chance for any semblance of sanity in this race.
Then South Carolina peeled away Perry. Sadness. A lot of good reality-TV type antics and Holy Roller nonsense leaves the race with him, and frankly I just can’t see Paul and Santorum stepping it up to be quite the brand of cuckoo-bananas that Bachmann and Perry were. Still he kept things interesting to the end, throwing his God-given support behind the MOST family values, MOST God-riddled, MOST holier-than-though candidate possible, “She turned me into a Newt….A Newt?…I got better….” Gingrich. In my humble opinion Perry helped him into a win in South Carolina. How else to explain the bizarre 40% that Newton took in the Palmetto State? Even paleo-cons like Daniel Larison know he’s toxic: “Republicans are faced with an unfortunate predicament entirely of their own making: they can rally behind the Republican Bill Clinton to try to stop Romney, or they can nominate the liar.”
Wait, we’re talking about the same Newt, right? The doughy guy who used to be Speaker of the House before he was charged with 84 ethics violations, fined $300,000 and forced to resign in disgrace? That guy? The one who led the impeachment charge against Bill Clinton while he himself was five years into an adulterous affair with Callista Bisek while still married to Marianne Ginther, who had been diagnosed with MS? That Newt? The one who asked Marianne for an open marriage so he could keep boffing Bisek, but continued to give pretentious, holier-than-thou speeches on family values? The sleazy, self-righteous boor with a bilious disposition?
For those of you who sat through the South Carolina debate, Old Grimr Wormtongue may have defined a whole new level of hypocrisy. Jon Stewart’s take on the debate from Monday night isn’t posted yet, but look for it here by Tuesday.
Ahh, there’s so much more. I had wanted to shine a light on Old Sanctimonious and Looney-Paul, but there’s time yet. And there’s Florida. Oh Florida. Where Wormtongue is enjoying a surge. Savor it now, ForkTongue. The voting public is a fickle beast.
And if you’re looking for some amusement, try the NY Times’ hilarious interactive Stump Speech analyzer. It helps you ID the key concepts and catchphrases each candidate like to employ.
There will be more on “Schmerz in my Mittel” Romney soon, I promise. Don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten him. I’m just aghast that Newt Wormtongue is enjoying such resurgence. Don’t worry. I’ll get over it. In the mean time. Leo sends along this lengthy but absorbing background piece on Mittens. Well worth a read.
And in case you’ve been missing out on Stephen Colbert’s wicked wicked ways, early last year, Colbert started his own Political Action Committee, under the tutelage of (for real) former Federal Elections Commission chairman Trevor Potter. What has ensued has been a hilarious, revelatory and highly disturbing sashay through the latest changes in campaign law–ones that allow for unlimited money to be poured into political campaigns with little-to-no checks on what these organizations can do. Colbert’s commitment to the perfect satire knows no bounds– he testified in front of the Federal Elections Commission (for real) and everything. And he was granted to right to form the Colbert SuperPAC.
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